Sarah
9/30/2014 12:20:14 am
Sarah Black
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Zoe Pellegrino
9/30/2014 01:04:22 am
* I don't think the "so" in the first sentence is necessary
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Jeffery Pedersen
9/30/2014 01:08:21 am
Great power words with strong meaning. I like how well it transitioned but there are some minor errors. Overall great metaphor
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Rachelle Mirandou
10/2/2014 01:21:29 am
I love your voice in this Sasa
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Alan
9/30/2014 12:23:29 am
Alan Yao-What I want my words to do.
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Sarah
9/30/2014 01:03:36 am
Good job with the intro to the paragraph. It was cool to connect your paper to a professional swimmer. The closing statement was a good part to end on as well.
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Zoe Pellegrino
9/30/2014 04:49:46 am
*Eliminate the second "be" from the first sentence
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Andrew Blessing
10/1/2014 12:43:19 pm
I like your reference to the killer whale. Also enjoyed the vocabulary used such as "tantalizing" and "captivate". Maybe instead of saying "you just took fifty energy drinks", make a direct reference to an actual energy drink like Red Bull or Monster and say "you just guzzled down 50 Red Bulls". Overall great job.
Logan Branch
9/30/2014 12:23:58 am
Sit down and buckle in. Turn your phone on to airplane mode and get comfortable. As you sit there getting ready, you get notified that the plane is about to depart. The plane starts to rumble, you get excited as the expedition starts. As you prepare for takeoff you feel the terror bubbling through your body. The plane is propelled forward. During that time you could experience excitement or dread. As you ascend to the cruising altitude you see the ground beneath you falling away as you enter a new world of painted skies. Once you reaching cruising altitude all is calm, you relax and are now able to take a break. You come back and gaze out the window to see bright blue skies with the beauty of a rose glistening with the wet the morning dew. You could also possibly look out the window and see a dark frightening storm like a scene from a bloodcurdling nightmare. You might be tantalized or disgusted by the food. You might experience some turbulence and in some cases this might be amusing as it adds a little fun to the trip. As you arrive to the destination you are distraught that this experience is ending. But yet you are excited to find out the ending to this eye-opening expedition. The ending can occur of two things. It could be a sweet soft landing or a harsh touchdown. You hit the ground and calmly taxi to the gate to exit the aircraft. However you experienced your trip we hope you fly with us again.
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Sarah
9/30/2014 01:02:25 am
Great connection to an airplane experience. The closing statement was a great part to end on.
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Bridget Schambers
9/30/2014 12:25:37 am
When you hear my words I want them to strike you as if you are a vampire in transition and are going after your prey and you can’t resist to suck all of the blood out of the person. I want them to sound like it’s your favorite song and you just want to keep hearing them over and over again. When you stop hearing the words I want you to feel like it’s the most sorrowful thing that has ever happened to you like when you saw that Hannah Montana take off her wig to see that she was really Miley Cyrus. When you get lost into my words I want it to be like you are in your most imaginable land or the place that you have always dreamed of going. After you hear my words I want it to make your writing expand and make you want to become the best person that you can come. I want it to be like I am controlling your mind because you are so concentrated in onto my words. I want to see everyone acting like they are at their favorite singers concert or like it’s the morning of their last day of school. The words that you hear might just be the words that captivate you and make you become a better writer, or motivate you to do something that you have been waiting to do for your whole life. Whenever you are having a bad day I want you to think of the words that have been told to you and help you have a more positive attitude. No matter what kind of person you are I want my words to help shape your personality. People shouldn't get distracted when they are hearing my words everyone should be so focused in that they should look like they are being hypnotized. People should go home and not stop thinking about the words that they heard from me. I want my words to leave a footprint in your heart.
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Logan Branch
9/30/2014 01:04:10 am
I really like how you had multiple metaphors in your writing. It made me think of multiple different things. Maybe you could have put a couple more strong words in it. I liked it.
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Rachelle Mirandou
10/2/2014 01:25:00 am
I like the Miley Cyrus connection!
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Abby Basler
9/30/2014 12:25:55 am
I want my words to motivate and energize, generating a mountain of strength that gives one the capability to fly. I want them to bring you to the top of the tallest mountain where you are faced with two decisions; jumping and plummeting to the face of the earth, or flying as you open your arms and break free. The fear of falling off of that mountain will surround you until you are choking and gasping for air, as you wait for the words to give you the wings that allow you to soar with the birds and escape the deadly prison you were trapped in. They will cause you to jolt awake and open your eyes to a new world where you are able to soar without end. Like a bird flying into an unfamiliar land, you will cringe as you face reality, but then launch into an exploration as you read the next sentence. I want my words to threaten you until you feel as if a hawk is encircling your head and pecking at your face; until it tears apart every last inch of beauty you ever felt and you are left with your true self. They will be like the lightning storm that throws you down and like the sun they will boost you back up again. At some points, they will restrain you and prevent you from soaring out of your nest, while at others they will be the motor that keeps you floating through the air. Similar to the bird that must eventually land, my words in time will come to a conclusion that is deep with meaning and full of both pain and satisfaction. My words will give you the capability to be free and believe that the next flight you take will formulate a successful and inspirational journey. My words will be the wings that allow you to fly.
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Bridget Schambers
9/30/2014 01:02:05 am
I really like how everything just flowed into the next idea, lots of your phrases I also really like, and some of the words that you chose to put in there to really fit in with the topic they were really good
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Logan Branch
9/30/2014 01:07:29 am
I really like all the awesomely scary details to the metaphors and all the big words
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Hannah Burke
9/30/2014 11:43:17 pm
I really like you metaphor
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Ben Osborne
9/30/2014 12:26:10 am
Ben Osborne - What I Want my Words to do
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Bridget Schambers
9/30/2014 01:04:41 am
Your choice of words were really, and I also really liked the like "awaken you from your slumber with an electric surge"
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Abby Basler
9/30/2014 01:05:28 am
Change warm to warmth in "spreading warm and light"
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Andrew Blessing
10/1/2014 12:37:32 pm
Great selection of words in the throughout. Words such as "nocturnal gloom" and "luminous" caught my attention specifically in the beginning.
Jenny Imbriglio
9/30/2014 12:26:30 am
Let me illustrate to you what I want my words to do to. I want my words to enlighten you like a concert. I want to be the one in charge of the concert, showing you everything that you could see. As you receive the pamphlet for the concert, I want you to be eagerly awaiting to hear my words. Being so ambitious for it to start, that you cannot even sit down, for, if you did, you would feel like you would die. So empowered by my words, the crowd goes wild. Its like being in a room full of teenagers with food; they all go crazy for something they love. I want my words to be like the music that’s blasting in your ears, making it the only thing you hear. When you hear that music, I want you to embrace the music like you’ve never felt it before. I want the it to make you dance like you are enchanted, under a spell, and can’t stop moving.
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Ben Osborne
9/30/2014 01:01:59 am
I like all of the details used when describing the concert. "flashing lights," "rowdy crowd," etc...
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Abby Basler
9/30/2014 01:07:12 am
I felt like I was at a concert so you did a really good job with the word choices!
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Dante Prosseda
9/30/2014 12:26:39 am
I desire my words to engulf you like a wave crashing over a surfer, and painstakingly stay with you. I want them to drag you in and hold you captive like how a wave will hold you under, then I will pull you back up to the surface. To comfort you with the gentleness of the little waves. Then pull you back in like another wave striking down onto the innocent surfer. Like the surfer you have chosen to read my writing just as the surfer has chosen to ride the waves. I will drag you down into the depths of my writing similar to the wave’s current pulling the surfer down to the rocky sand of the seafloor. Instead of accepting defeat you will come back for more though. You will want to come back, you will come back to see how my words will rise up above you like the ascending wave. Then crash down on to you, and make you gasp for air like the waves do to surfers everyday. Then as you slowly sink my words will soothe you, put you in a trance of amazing beauty, like the stillness of being underwater. But just like the surfer has to come up for air, I will bring you back to the massive power of my words. Then as you come back up I will thrash a flurry of exotic words at you. I want to mesmerize you, and dull all your other senses because you are so into my superb work. Nothing but the ending will entrance you back to reality. I still want my words though to prove themselves graceful. Similar to when a surfer hits a wave right on the spot. I want you to see the beauty in my work, how I move sentences around so precisely, so you can become starstruck by my words. I want you to crave my words, like a surfer craves the waves. Still I want my words to make you chuckle, similar to how surfers have fun out on the waves together. I desire them to bring you joy. When you are finally done reading my words you will be exhilarated, you will want more. Just as a surfer wants more after every great wave.
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Alan Yao
9/30/2014 01:01:15 am
great word choice, see a lot of descriptive adjectives
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Jenny Imbriglio
9/30/2014 01:04:31 am
I really enjoyed reading the part about when you compared your words to a surfer in the water attempting to get a breath of air. You had an excellent word choice throughout your essay, especially in that paragraph.
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Ben Osborne
9/30/2014 01:06:15 am
I like the depth you used in your describing words. "I will thrash a flurry of exotic words at you."
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Andrew Blessing
10/1/2014 12:35:17 pm
Great word choice and I thoroughly enjoy how you related your words to a surfer
Rachel Berman
9/30/2014 12:26:50 am
Rachel Berman
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Dante Prosseda
9/30/2014 01:00:45 am
You drew a good picture in the reader's mind.
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Jenny Imbriglio
9/30/2014 01:06:43 am
With your words, you allowed the reader to create an excellent visual in their minds. Great word choice throughout your work.
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Alicia Gibbons
9/30/2014 12:27:09 am
I want my words to grasp you by your shoulders and spin you around, to force a new perspective. I want them to show you the real world and how unjust it actually is. I want them to make you feel the pain of humanity and inspire you. To announce to you that there are people suffering while you sit in your technological bubble. I want my words to pop that bubble and erase your ignorance.
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Rachel Berman
9/30/2014 01:01:46 am
this is really well written and flows really nicely. I especially like the first paragraph I think it's really great. The hook is very captivating as well. Nice job!
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Dante Prosseda
9/30/2014 01:05:08 am
I really like the descriptive words you used, also I think your metaphor choice worked out well.
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Dominique
9/30/2014 12:27:42 am
We walk around with broken blood and tampered brains. Or maybe cracked skin and paddles for feet instead of toes. You will use those paddles to swim yourself across the river, and maybe, if you’re good enough, natural selection won't drown you; but you can’t control me. Don’t you dare think that with everything going on, you can suddenly become my air. Not my reason for breathing, but my breathing as a whole. Don’t think your words will infiltrate my eyes until all that crowds my vision are shapes of letters. Do not try to become the vein that dominates my blood. Instead, a girl will put her hand on her hip, lift her chin, and stare directly into the camera with potent eyes that can cut glass into circles. She has abrasively captured her audience until when you go home, you have your broccoli, and think of the bleak girl. You’ll envision yourself in the glint of a jar, blue eyes glaring back at you, and you will see her posed hip and the way her eyes stared off and blurred over like fog, all to capture your mind in a steel cage. She trapped you like a prisoner, just to replace your shoes with sandals. The moment the frame was taken, it was destined to become yours. Everything you have ever done, every single thing that you’ve learned, can’t trump this. Not at all. Although, if you really want to know something, her eyes lured me in and didn’t release me until the snowflakes in the sky transformed into putrid fire. Until my brain could somehow understand the surroundings as well as I know nothing. Every time your eyeballs donate the gift of viewing your surroundings, think of it as not just an object, but a body. A part of what life has to give you, what you obtain to experience. After, her eyes will become dull, and you’ll see not the picture, not the way her hips protrude and lips pronounce thinly, but suddenly, you’ll see a child. The beautiful little girl with long hair and creamy milk skin, and you will see her mother replacing whipped cream with molasses to thicken the clouds. She has crossed cloud nine with hesitant footsteps and now it’s not heaven she’s looking at, but a world she wanted no part in. One that begs for her eyes to be read, one that wants you to see that she is not in her element, or even in her skin. She’s wandering around in a photo, with her hands propped on her hips, and her eyes staring at the camera, desiring for someone to just see what she has to offer.
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Alicia Gibbons
9/30/2014 01:06:08 am
Your figurative language is phenomenal. This is such a beautiful picture you have painted for me. However, I was confused on how this is what you want your words to do to me-I think you got too caught up in the metaphor. I, of course, could be interpreting it wrong, but I don't understand the message you mean to get across. Your writing, however, is so beautiful and exquisite.
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Rachel Berman
9/30/2014 01:07:29 am
your vocab choice was great and it flowed nicley sometimes I just was not sure how one part related to another part. Great job
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Sylvie Hack
9/30/2014 12:28:10 am
Sylvie Hack
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Dominique
9/30/2014 01:01:05 am
I like all the different metaphors you used. It really gave me a vision in my mind.
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Alicia Gibbons
9/30/2014 02:15:05 am
This flowed incredibly well. Your metaphors and similes were on point and paired great with what you want your words to do. You did a great job connecting and then explaining.
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Lucy Yu
9/30/2014 12:28:35 am
I want my words to linger in your brain, touch every vein in your body until they are running in your bloodstream. I want them to either be the reason of your downfall or success, making them powerful and memorable, never to be forgotten. They should be the reason why there is sweat on your back from working hard, or hardly working, from my encouragement and constructive criticism. Every tear and every laugh should hold a meaning, just like my words should hold a meaning to you. Examining every notch of imperfection and blemish, you should dig deeper to find a more meaningful explanation of the word that came out of my door of speech. My words should make you shiver with excitement, or syncope in frustration, activating every emotion when you look back upon it. As the words run through your blood, you become familiar with the feeling you get when it rushes to your heart, only for it to pump out again, spreading throughout your body. I want my words to imprison you in a cloud of thought, making you think of my phrases again and again. As my words float around in your brain like the letter noodles in alphabet soup, they are spelling out the words that fled my mouth to enter through your ear. The intense pounding of my words should bring you on your knees, for you to listen to the message, and rise up again. Whether the words keep you on your knees, or ignite your motivation to succeed, the scars inscripted in your blood cells will always show the world what my words did to you.
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Sylvie Hack
9/30/2014 01:01:35 am
This is well written an has an interesting concept. I felt or saw what you were trying to convey. The language that you used is powerful and got its point across. The grammar is fine.
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Dominique
9/30/2014 01:02:42 am
I love the ending, it was a great way to end it and made me want more,
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Alan
9/30/2014 01:04:02 am
I like the metaphors you said about why your words should never be forgotten "sweat on your back from working hard" "from my encouragement and constructive criticism".
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Nathaniel Wolfgang
9/30/2014 12:29:36 am
My Words
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Sylvie Hack
9/30/2014 01:03:10 am
This is well written and I could see what you were trying to convey.
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Lucy Yu
9/30/2014 01:05:45 am
I can tell you ski!
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Laura Murphy
9/30/2014 12:29:45 am
I want my words to cloak you like shimmering oil paint on a canvas. I want the refined details to nibble at your brain, tiny specks of colors peeping out from a collage of radiant spreads. I want you to dissect the different layers, wipe away the colors and the life to get down to the bare skeleton, the mere sketch. I want my words to resonate, I want them to be as memorable as the Mona Lisa but as striking and unique as a wall splattering. I want you to see every brushstroke, every small detail, and follow the movement and rhythm with your eyes. I want them to be like a swirling Starry Night, a mystical Monet. I want them to be jagged and pointed like a Cubism cut-out, I want them to be as coherent as a Realism portrait. I want you to look for deeper meaning, examine them like an Expressionist painting. Walk through my words like the stony trail of an Impressionist garden scene, the golden frame surrounding you your only boundaries. Every shadow should wrap you in its darkness, every contrasting beam of light cascading onto your shoulders should overwhelm you with its felicity. You should pine through my words like the speckled leaves in the smattering of delicate foliage that surrounds you, turning each one on its side to examine it from every angle. Every curve, every straight line, every element of design should enamor you and dazzle your entire field of vision, taking you on a journey from the highest purple mountain to the lowest blades of grass. They should conjure up pristine images in your mind, a myriad of possibilities from a mixture of pigments. Every color should provoke a deep emotional sensation and bring up feelings from the forgotten crevices of your mind. My words can softly envelop you like a light french marine or the grip you with the hostility of a caustic, burning red. My words are a rainbow of emotions, suffuse with color and reasoning. At times, they will be smudged, muddy with too many second guesses. Other times, they will tightly combine with each other in concise, calculated strokes. I want you to dip the fibers of your own paintbrush into the palate of my words, I want you to spread them on your own blank canvas. Play with them, mix them, sprinkle them around and experiment with them. Grind them off in a plastic cup of turpentine, clean your brush on a raggedy cloth if you so please.
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Nathaniel Wolfganf
9/30/2014 01:03:10 am
Good vocabulary that is still easy to read and understand
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Lucy Yu
9/30/2014 01:07:05 am
I really like your vocabulary and metaphors. I can really tell you have a passion for art.
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michael sack
10/2/2014 01:43:22 am
My words are incapable of describing how good that was. Your vocabulary is captivating and your metaphors are intriging. Great job Laura. You had the best one of these, in my opinion.
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Axel Luther King Jr.
10/2/2014 02:12:17 am
WOW. This is quite literally the best paragraph have read all day. The seemingly candid understanding flows perfectly with the clearly upper level grammar. In other words, it was OK.
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Jeffery Lewis Pedersen
9/30/2014 12:30:45 am
I want my words to make you aware of your surroundings than ever before like a lion tuning in on every detail. Ready to identify the very source that never felt there and absorb it with every passing second. I want my words to make you sharp about the simplest of things like the lion’s prey pass over a fly a few meters away. I want them to augment your acknowledgement to the things you think you know. These words, I want them to make you distinguish a single detail you have gone over a thousand times yet seem to found it and see through that one slim grass at the prey. To detect something that was overlooked many dozens of times. The eager strife of hunger does not irritate the lion in search for his meal but strengthen his willingness to observe with the single eye. To not just hear, smell, or see, but to feel the very distant presence of something. That lion felt the beating heart of his prey a mile away, his call for his awareness brought him his answer. These words will tell you to take off those earbuds and listen to a sound you never heard before. To look for something you never saw. A true observer finds what he or she is looking for without knowing what it may be. The lion knows he will find his prey over the horizon of the grass blocked view. Somewhere beyond the reaches of him, will he find his week’s meal. Becoming adept to absorbing everything is the key to understanding. The lion never once faltered to find his prey beyond his sight. My words will make you realize that the goals you dream of are there yet need to be looked harder to find. The lion looks up and sees a sign. A bird flying in his direction. A far up notice for any animal to have walked these lands but the lion. None but the lion is master observer of the universe and thus is the one who find himself the best. Now, I ask that my words command you to look beyond your three dimensional realm, across the unity and order and into the imaginative. Where the simplest of details have been overseen. Recognize as the lion did and find what you perceive. To hear the distant cries of other prey being hunted and know one will come down soon. I want my words to make you an examiner of life, an examiner of nature, an observer of the simplest of details. I want words to make you as considerate as the lion when finding the true detail.
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Nathaniel Wolfgang
9/30/2014 01:04:56 am
I can definitely see that you want us to spot details and really open our eyes. It is a little rough
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Laura Murphy
9/30/2014 01:05:53 am
Good job, Jeffery! You tied nice parallels to the life of a lion. By describing a scene in the wild and then connecting back to it, you establish pretty clearly what you are trying to say. There were just a few times where the metaphor didn't quite link back to what you wanted your words to do, but overall it was intriguing and clever. Other than that, I would just say to clean up the grammar a bit...sometimes typos or grammatical errors muddled what you were trying to express.
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Zoe Pellegrino
9/30/2014 12:32:06 am
I want my words to be absorbed into your soul. I want them to strengthen you, exhilarate you. I want them to lurk inside of you like the debris that lurk after a hurricane. I want them to cause a frenzy of thoughts and emotions. The strong winds will blow, sending your thoughts into chaos. But it’s okay. My words will soothe you, and give you time to relax- the eye of the storm. I want my words to cause destruction within you, that will later be rebuilt into something so much stronger. In the aftermath of the storm, my words will cause a small hut to become an elegant mansion. I want my words to cause a raging storm surge, so strong that it breaks any barriers within you that may be guarding what you do best. The floods that try to wash out my words will not prevail. My words are here to stay. You are the hurricane. The force of a million gallons of water emanates from you, like an aura from a strong personality. This world is yours. You control it. I want my words to show their power, prove their strength. All that exists in this world are my words, and your hurricane. Your energy is released through the anger of the turbulent storm. I want your energy to feed off of my blustering whirlwind of words. I want my words to relieve the traffic jams in your mind, caused by the stress and torrential downpours of the storm. Out of nowhere, the storm clears. My words are roaming freely within you. Use them as you desire, but wisely, please. The future rests in your control. I want my words and the strength placed in your soul to share much positive energy. Don’t resist your storm.
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Laura Murphy
9/30/2014 01:08:09 am
I love the metaphor!! You started with a simple idea and then connected it to all areas of that idea.
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Jeffery Lewis Pedersen
9/30/2014 01:06:34 am
Strong words were placed throughout the paragraph and exhibit a good connection between the metaphor and what the words want to do to the reader. It was great how the metaphor of the storm could compare to the thoughts and the barriers with the limitless power of the brain. How you were able to transition between the destruction actually being the stepping stone to success in the mind. Also it was pretty jumpy with the ideas at the middle and not that strongly pronounced as the end had. I feel that the power of your words did not begin to develop until it prepossesses to the end which can be good and bad.
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Phoebe Maxwell
9/30/2014 11:56:30 am
Everyone always wants to be remembered. Only some people are remembered and those who are, their goal was not to be remembered, the just did what they felt they needed to do. I want my words to be the inspirational speaker. I want to leave you hanging onto my every word wondering how they seem to induce different emotions that come flying off the page. I will initiate your movement to begin writing your own story. I will forge ahead leading the way to the pen and paper. Everyone has read a good book at some point in their life, I will galvanize your action to empower you to create the next best-seller. I will create the experience to seem so real, you may just have to check to see if it is indeed fiction. I want to empower others to feel that they too can write amazing works of literature. I want you to envision your success and light the spark that will push you towards reaching your goal. I will stand with you through my words to help you reach that ripe fruit of success. I want my words to inspire and hit home the realization that anyone can write and write well if you put your heart and soul on the paper. Let my words stay with you, guide you, provoke your best work. There will be times when you fall short of your goal, it happens to everyone. Do not keep missing that shot, take initiative, practice at home, and in the next game, pound that ball into the back of the net. The best feeling is that of accomplishment, of reaching that seemingly impossible goal. Keep my words close to urge you to keep pushing forward. Even when it feels useless, keep pushing. Keep fighting for what is right for you. Be the next motivational speaker, be the next star soccer player, be the best, never, ever, lose sight of your goal. Keep the fire burning, let my words be the kindling and your determination be that first spark. Let the fire blaze and never go out.
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Grace Ferguson
9/30/2014 11:40:00 pm
I loved the line about how you would write so real that it would leave the reader questioning if, in fact, it truly was fiction! This written very well! Good job :)
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Caitlin Hureau
10/1/2014 12:23:46 am
Love the metaphor, and the language you used was really interesting.
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Kathleen Palmer
10/3/2014 01:40:37 am
I like how you focused less on yourself, but more on the reader.
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Caitlin Hureau
9/30/2014 01:34:48 pm
When you read my words I want you to be lost, I am unpredictable. I want you to grapple with the different combinations of letters. Embrace the serenity and comfort you feel wrapping the edges of your brain. Read the words and let them take you down a road less traveled, let your mind wonder to new places you have never been before. Let my words be stunning scenery, you are the photographer and your mind is the camera. With every given illustration take a photograph, my colorful words and artistic language is what lies in front of you. The images will astonish you with harsh and strident lines and structures you are not yet familiar with. Trap my words in your brain and let them linger there for hours after reading, allow the picture to stay burned into your memory with all of the details and words burrowing into your mind. You will never take the same picture twice, for my words have many styles and meanings, they have a wild side that will attack you and mysterious side that will enchant you. Acknowledge my words for the true art that they are, embrace the darkness, the light, and the contrast created in the image. The more moments you capture, the better photographer you will become, so take any opportunity to absorb my every word, let them empower you and create an intense desire to bring new art into the world.
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Phoebe Maxwell
9/30/2014 11:33:18 pm
I love the language you used. I like the metaphor of the photographer, it is a unique idea. Your opening line could be a little stronger but other than that, I think that it is a great paragraph.
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Lauren Salvadore
9/30/2014 11:40:08 pm
Your piece was very intriguing and the way that you phrased everything made it flow really well. Great choice of metaphor, I really enjoyed reading about it.
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Kathleen Palmer
10/3/2014 01:43:16 am
I like the light vs. darkness thing at the end. Also, I liked the references you dropped with Robert Frost and the like.
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Elena Wallace
9/30/2014 11:18:29 pm
What I Want My Words to Do to You
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Phoebe Maxwell
9/30/2014 11:35:39 pm
Great metaphor and language, but the beginning is a little weak. Overall, great job.
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Kathleen Palmer
10/3/2014 01:45:40 am
I liked how you listed the things you want the reader to share with you. I felt that was really strong.
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Matt Plympton
9/30/2014 11:19:30 pm
I want my words to bounce back at you like a dribble, impossible to ignore, always coming back. Let the ball slide on your fingertips as the words reach up your arm and encircle your body. I want my words to change direction without warning, like a crossover that leaves the defender laying on the ground. Let the adrenaline push you like you’re on a fast break, about to score. I want my words to trick you when you let your guard down, like a defender hustling back on defense, foiling your perfect scoring opportunity. I want them to relax your body like you’re taking a free throw, only to make you tighten up again when you miss the shot. I want them to come at you fast, like a chest pass to you from the point guard. I want my words to make you feel nervous, like the time winding down on the clock, your team down by one. I want my words to make you feel triumphant like you hit the game winning shot. My words will make you feel loved, like when your team crowds you and lifts you up. Let my words leave you hanging, wanting more, waiting for the next game.
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Jared Page
9/30/2014 11:22:57 pm
Good Job with the comparison of your words and basketball. You do use the term "I want" a bit too much. Overall, your account is very descriptive and shows that you put a lot of effort into this piece.
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Elena Wallace
9/30/2014 11:26:50 pm
I really liked the metaphor to basketball and how you were able to tie in literal aspects of it to your writing
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Phoebe Maxwell
9/30/2014 11:37:47 pm
Great incorporation of the metaphor, a little less of the "I want" but overall, great job.
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Lev Simon
9/30/2014 11:19:47 pm
When you read my words, Let them be notes. Just small pieces and something much greater. Alone, meaning nothing, but together, meaning everything.
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Grace Turchetta
9/30/2014 11:27:17 pm
I really like this paragraph. I liked the way that you transitioned from the smallest notes, to the overall concert performance and I think you related the music aspect to the writing very well.
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Elena Wallace
9/30/2014 11:28:38 pm
Very good connection to music, The writing really flowed and you made very good connections from musical aspects to your writing.
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Jared Page
9/30/2014 11:19:55 pm
“Words are Wind”, the notion that words lact impact on the lives and personalities of others. This is nothing but a falsity. When I write, I always have the notion of making my words pierce your thick skull like knives. Based on the last metaphor, many of you are probably of the thought pattern that I am a diseased and deranged husk of a human being, but my words did leave a permanent mark on your memory, one that will not be erased in the coming moments. Your words no matter how sweet or vile will leave a trace in your subconscious, you may be appalled by the writing, and yet you are so infatuated with the piece that you cannot force yourself to turn away, and act as if you never read the book. Knowledge may be power, but words are the wind that causes uprisings and upbringings and are what can and will create or destroy a society. My words will pursue you no matter where you go, and they will haunt you if you let them, or brush it off as a fool’s obscene and demoralizing gesture. Words can break down barriers and reconstruct them. Up until this point in my life, I have used my words and writing to persuade and rebut. I have learned now the potential and gravity of language, and the many pathways I can traverse just by doing something as minute, insignificant, and un-impactful as picking up a pen or pencil, and writing furiously.
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Matt Plympton
9/30/2014 11:26:35 pm
I like the "knives piercing your skull" metaphor. It really paints a clear picture in my mind of what you want your words to do.
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Lev Simon
9/30/2014 11:31:42 pm
This was interesting, in a haunting sort of way. Reading it sort of frightened me, thinking about how your words will "pursue you no matter where you go." It's a cool concept, thinking that someone's words can have such a huge impact on others.
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Elena Wallace
9/30/2014 11:33:06 pm
I like the metaphor you used and very good use of vocabulary in this piece of writing
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Lauren Salvadore
9/30/2014 11:42:46 pm
Great piece, it was really interesting to read. I like how you tied in the fact that you want your words to 'haunt' someone. I liked all the words that you used in your piece, it makes it even more bold and was a good hook. Great job!
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Lauren Salvadore
9/30/2014 11:20:38 pm
I want my writing to stay with you for some period of time, whether it be through the day, or throughout your life. I want you to carry my words with you, constantly floating around in the back of your head, causing your mind to wander into the unknown. I want my words to resonate on your lips, reminding you of all the words you wish you had said, or the risks you wish you had taken. I want my words to inspire you to go out and take these risks, I want my writing to give you the incentive to live your life to the fullest, and to never look back. I want to be able to take you out of your comfort zone, into a place where you may feel uneasy. I want my words to force you to contemplate about your life. Why are you bestowed with such luxurious items, while the rest of the world is left out on the streets, with nothing but the comfort of a single blanket, if that. Because you are so fortunate, doesn't that mean that you have a purpose? I want my words to inspire you to make a difference in our world. I want my writing to make you loathe the injustice in the world, yet I want to make you feel indebted for all that you are given. I want my words to take you back to the good times in your life, and the difficult ones too. I want to make you relive the times that you felt most vulnerable. I want my writing to give you the audacity to go into the world with a plan to improve it in some way. I want my writing to take you to another place, somewhere where you are in control of everything in your life. Most of all, I want my writing to mean something, I want it to be important to you. I want my words to dwell in the back of your brain like the lyrics to your favorite song, always with you somewhere in your mind. I want to arouse your mind, I want you to feel the way that I do. I want you to feel the need to constantly improve your world in any way physically or emotionally possible.
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Jared Page
9/30/2014 11:28:15 pm
Great Vocab choice: "indebted". One thing that doesn't make much sense is where you used the term "audacity" while it does mean to take bold risks, most of the time that word is viewed along the lines of "disrespectful". Other than that it was a well written piece.
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Lev Simon
9/30/2014 11:28:47 pm
I liked this a lot. While reading it, I felt empowered; I wanted to do something. I guess that's what your piece is supposed to do. It's infused with this message of "making a difference," so it makes sense that when reading it, I wanted to make a difference.
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Caitlin Hureau
10/1/2014 12:42:09 am
I really liked the part where you talked about how you want your words to allow the reader to live their life to the fullest, that part really stood out to me. Also, the introduction and conclusion were very strong, overall very good and interesting to read!
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Ginger Perry
9/30/2014 11:21:12 pm
When You Read My Words
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Lev Simon
9/30/2014 11:35:40 pm
I loved this metaphor. I really did. Just relating words to the changing of the seasons was a cool and new concept for me, one I didn't even think about in writing my own response to this question. Comparing your words to the changing seasons portrayed you as always able to skillfully change the tone of your writing.
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Grace Turchetta
9/30/2014 11:36:33 pm
Good job relating the writing to the seasons! You had really good word choice, too. I think the paragraph flowed really nicely.
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Claire Burbridge
9/30/2014 11:36:38 pm
This is really good! I liked the seasons metaphor, it was really unique.
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Ashley Smyth
9/30/2014 11:21:19 pm
Writing should be more than just designing a piece for a grade in school. It should be more than putting words on paper just to satisfy your teacher. That is how it has seemed for all these years. But now, I realize that it is more than that. Writing should make you feel the way you do when your food is being delivered to you at a restaurant. Or how you feel when your favorite team wins a game. I want my writing to make you contemplate your life and your beliefs, the way you think. I want there to be phrases and words that compel you to keep reading. Not everyone is going to feel like this though. Everyone has different perspectives, see things differently, and are intrigued in different aspects. Well constructed writing should be intriguing to others. Getting taught how to write obviously helps you become a better writer. I hope from reading my writing, you will become educated. I want my writing to give you the same feeling you get when you listen to your favorite song, or when you get a good grade on a test you thought you flunked. I hope that you do not feel the way you would when you are forced to sit in a car for ten hours straight. When I write creative pieces, I want people to wish it was a book and went on for two hundred more pages. For narratives, I would like one to become wiser or learn something. Persuasive assignments are obviously meant to persuade someone but I want my persuasive essay to do more than just that. I want someone to be able to say, “I never thought of it that way,” like how someone would say this about a particular quote. My words should inspire, amplify, and expand the thoughts spiraling around in your mind. Writing is one of the most important things because it allows you to express your feelings and play around with our language. I want people to be able to detect emotions from my writing, not by me saying “I am happy,” but by putting words together in a way that implies that emotion. I hope it does not make you feel the same way most people feel about snakes and spiders.
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Matt Plympton
9/30/2014 11:29:08 pm
I really like the way you used a lot of power verbs. It really drilled home the point you were trying to make.
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Lauren Salvadore
9/30/2014 11:31:42 pm
I liked how you tied in several metaphors, it helped put into perspective what you hope to get across in your writing. I thought it was cool how you tied in that everyone will have different views about a piece of writing because of the fact that people see things differently.
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Jared Page
9/30/2014 11:32:40 pm
Good Descriptions, you could add some new/ interesting vocab in this piece, and it is a bit all over the place. You also use similes a bit too much, but besides these minute errors, it is a well done piece.
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Grace Turchetta
9/30/2014 11:21:42 pm
What Do I Want My Words to Do to the Reader?
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Ashley Smyth
9/30/2014 11:25:11 pm
I really like how you stuck to one metaphor the entire time. The whole paragraph really stuck out to me. Well done.
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Claire Burbridge
9/30/2014 11:27:01 pm
I enjoyed the gum metaphor a lot...it was really creative and interesting!
Lauren Salvadore
9/30/2014 11:34:03 pm
Really interesting metaphor, all the details were really good, great job!
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Claire Burbridge
9/30/2014 11:23:08 pm
I want you to fear my words, like the grey clouds institute fear in the playing children frolicking along the shores of the oceans. I want the thunder to boom in the background as you pick up my work, frightening you as you begin to read. I want my words to fall off of my paper as the rain is finally falling out of the grey clouds that are practically bursting with new vocabulary. I want them to seep into your skin, sinking into each and every limb until it feels like you can’t hold any more. The ocean gains rain, keeps gaining and gaining, taking from the clouds until there is nothing left to give. My words will mingle and mix with all of the others you have learned, as the rain does into the ocean. They fuse together as one, as these words will do with you. The words will slowly float back up to the surface for you to use, for the waves to wash ashore where the children wait expectantly, urging the wave to come in rapidly. I want my words to inspire you to trek out more into the ocean, waiting for that wave to come in. My words will continue gaining importance in your mind as the wave is getting bigger, getting more meaningful on the horizon. Finally, they will crash onto the shore, making you recognize just how important they have become. You will use my words in your work, hoping to do what I did to you to your readers. Then, like the ocean wave after its climax, the words will fade into the background, back out of your brain as quickly as they came in, the wave retreating back to the safety of the ocean. But there will be a lingering taste of my words in your body, much like the wet sand that the wave has left behind for you to enjoy and use to build sand castles of words for your readers to retain, use, forget, and give to their readers to repeat the constant cycle of acquiring and neglecting with their readers, like the ocean wave that has now evaporated back into the clouds.
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Ginger Perry
9/30/2014 11:30:45 pm
very descriptive. good job!
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Grace Turchetta
9/30/2014 11:32:49 pm
I like the way you had an overall metaphor of water but, were able to break the metaphor down into a storm and the ocean!
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Grace Ferguson
9/30/2014 11:36:11 pm
I really liked your opening line! I could visualize a very vivid image in my head.
Maddie Wehr
9/30/2014 11:23:20 pm
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Ginger Perry
9/30/2014 11:28:56 pm
I love the metaphor you used, very creative
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Claire Burbridge
9/30/2014 11:29:24 pm
I really liked the metaphor that you used while creAting this piece...it was really interesting and fun to read!
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Ashley Smyth
9/30/2014 11:35:32 pm
I really like how you chose this metaphor to explain what you want your words to do. It really drew me in, especially the last sentence.
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Joceline Swartz
9/30/2014 11:24:00 pm
What I Want My Words To Do
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Maddie Wehr
9/30/2014 11:26:00 pm
I really like your metaphor of a song! Also you have really powerful adjectives.
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Ashley Smyth
9/30/2014 11:30:06 pm
I like your word choice to bring in the reader more. It is well written....2 things though. Add and 's' to 'plays' in the second sentence. And about 3 quarters down, add 'the' before 'remedy'.
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Claire Burbridge
9/30/2014 11:31:34 pm
I like the metaphor idea that you used! It was very interesting to read.
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Grace Ferguson
9/30/2014 11:28:15 pm
What I want my words to do...
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Maddie Wehr
9/30/2014 11:32:55 pm
This is really powerful! I like how you describe writing as it self in the beginning, and how you add what your writing should be like at the end!
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Claire Burbridge
9/30/2014 11:33:06 pm
I really liked this, it was very well written.
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Grace Scott
9/30/2014 11:35:04 pm
Love it. Very unique in the style that it's written.
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Matt
9/30/2014 11:29:33 pm
Matt Sommer
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Grace Scott
9/30/2014 11:32:29 pm
"Teared" should be "torn."
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Maddie Wehr
9/30/2014 11:37:08 pm
good descriptions. I like how you related it to sleep.
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Jared Page
9/30/2014 11:38:41 pm
What exactly did you mean by "snatch your time from you"? I don't understand why you used that very well. And also it should be "Only to be torn at even more". There are some mistakes but the point does get across. P.S. "Let them stay" is used back to back, so it may be overused.
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Grace Scott
9/30/2014 11:29:41 pm
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Matt
9/30/2014 11:31:50 pm
Very good work. There were a lot of words that helped this be shown, not just told. I could easily visualize the picture you were painting.
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Matt Sommer
9/30/2014 11:41:22 pm
*Matt Sommer posted that comment
Ginger Perry
9/30/2014 11:32:49 pm
So creative and descriptive, good job!
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Claire Burbridge
9/30/2014 11:34:58 pm
This is awesome!
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Hannah Burke
9/30/2014 11:40:25 pm
This was very descriptive. Nice job
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Caitlin Hureau
10/1/2014 12:34:00 am
The introduction was really powerful and the descriptive language you used really helped me visualize what you were trying to say.
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Maeve Meiser
9/30/2014 11:31:58 pm
Maeve Meiser
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Hannah Burke
9/30/2014 11:37:01 pm
I like some of the examples you provided and your choice of words
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Emily Adams
9/30/2014 11:42:08 pm
I really like your metaphor with the song. I like how you want your words to always be in someone's head whether they are aware of it or not. Great job!
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Jonathan Padrazo
9/30/2014 11:42:14 pm
Very passionate. I can see the emotion you are trying to transmit to your reader. Good usage of multiple metaphors as well.
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Cole Campbell
9/30/2014 11:32:17 pm
I want my words to be like a hardened clenched fist swung in a nasty right hook that catches you between the eyes. I want every sentence you read to serve as a backhanded wake-up-slap that smacks you away from the dreamy oblivion of sleep into a harsh reality. I want every distinguished fact or grueling new detail to be like a flurry of jabs that shakes your essence to the core. I want my words to be like a drop kick out of a seventh story window that shatters your perception of the truth and drops you on your back on to the rigid asphalt of the real world.
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Matt
9/30/2014 11:34:16 pm
The metaphor was very good to incorporate with your writing. I could see what you were going for with a writing piece with many surprises, and the connections really helped with that. Very good work.
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Matt Sommer
9/30/2014 11:40:07 pm
*Matt Sommer
Maeve Meiser
9/30/2014 11:37:16 pm
I really like your opening sentence, it really got my attention
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Jonathan Padrazo
9/30/2014 11:40:07 pm
Excellent power verbs and nice metaphor. The whole "real world" metaphor is very strong, and you do a great job of describing it. Nice!
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Eamon Keenan
9/30/2014 11:32:41 pm
Eamon Keenan
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Cole Campbell
9/30/2014 11:37:59 pm
I really liked the word choice and metaphor. I thought it was very fluent throughout the entire piece. I also really liked the way the conclusion tied it all up. "If you read someones words and they don’t force you to think about them, then are they really worth reading? "
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Jonathan Padrazo
9/30/2014 11:38:05 pm
Nice use of description and metaphor. The experience matches up well with how you describe your writing. Careful of one repeated sentence, "I want them to be the sheer discontent you feel when you find you are not in the starting lineup."
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Maeve Meiser
9/30/2014 11:39:32 pm
I really liked your metaphors especially the one about being in the opening lineup
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Jonathan Padrazo
9/30/2014 11:33:07 pm
What I Want my Words to do to You…
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Matt Sommer
9/30/2014 11:38:53 pm
Great job showing what you wanted people to feel inside. Great metaphor for the most part, only a couple places were I was slightly confused.
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Eamon Keenan
9/30/2014 11:39:22 pm
The language you use in this totally enhances the meaning you are trying to deliver. The paint metaphor was very creative. Maybe add in some negatives about what your words should do.
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Maeve Meiser
9/30/2014 11:41:12 pm
I really like your opening statement, it really grabbed my attention and made me want to read more.
Siddhi Deshpande
9/30/2014 11:33:27 pm
What I want my words to do to you
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Audrey
9/30/2014 11:38:21 pm
Really good choice of words
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Eamon Keenan
9/30/2014 11:41:41 pm
I loved the word choice and sentence structure. It made the reader think about what you were saying more than simple words would have. The metaphor was a little bit fuzzy.
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Sophie Barreto
9/30/2014 11:33:39 pm
In one second, you are engulfed. I want the language to become part of you, flowing in and out of your ears and weakening every bone in your body. I want my words to entice you to conduct them into some kind of organized madness using the power of your own a brain. A collection of swirling notes, all swimming around in your mind making you wander to places you didn’t know existed. Not only should this be a new feeling of refreshment, but I want your whole world to be rattled. I want you to feel the notes that don’t mesh well together and to be urked. I want them to mess with your mind and tense up every muscle just so they can be released when you find the perfect harmonies. I don’t care what kind of music you like. I don’t care what kind of music you don’t like. I just want you to experience the bewilderment each compilation of letters will bring. You are the conductor, and you choose what you want to hear. Whether it be the twinkling fluttering of a singular piccolo, or the sound of bone-rattling obliteration diagnosed into the air from a baritone horn, the sounds will be surging through you. I want the waves to lift you up and caress you just so every limb of your body can then be smacked to the ground with deteriorating force. The song will play over and over in your head until the aggravation has you burning with rage. Yet the sweet embrace that the music has on your heart and your soul will leave your ears thirsty for more. With your mind racing, and your hand still in the air directing the instruments, out of nowhere, the sound will halt. And then, you’re standing on the stage in complete darkness, the curtains closed, every word surrounding you, suffocating you. Even when the show is over, you will always keep the sheet music.
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Siddhi Deshpande
9/30/2014 11:36:53 pm
Your metaphor makes perfect sense, and I like your descriptive language. I especially like the ending line.
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Eamon Keenan
9/30/2014 11:43:35 pm
The word choice was extremely creative. I really liked the metaphor that you used.
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Audrey Brecher
9/30/2014 11:34:34 pm
I want my words to empower you. I want them to give you the ability to think, to dream. Take my words and weave them into a story of your own. Pick them from the tree I have planted and let them fill your veins with the power of imagination. Let my words give you the power to envision yourself as a ruler of your own kingdom, a monarch whose words can change a nation. Or become a dragon who lives in the castle, my words turned into the fire the dragon breathes. Become a concert pianist, watch as your fingers dance over the keys. Stand up and face the crowd, feel a sense of pride as they clap for you, only you. Imagine yourself in the jungle, my words wrapping around your limbs like vines, trapping you. I want you to feel my words in your chest, like the vines in the jungle that are beginning to make their way around your body. I want my words to make you feel something, anything. Become angry at the words and rip them off like like the vines that are wrapped around your chest. Then run away from that jungle and take my words with you. Throw them away if you choose or keep them with you and let them manipulate the way you think. I want my words to give you the power to let your mind wander. Take the words I give you and fly away with them. You can give yourself wings, or you can fly in a jet, fast and fearlessly leaving the world behind you. I want my words to empower you, to give you the power of imagination. Take my words in the back of your pocket and escape the natural world.
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Siddhi Deshpande
9/30/2014 11:38:12 pm
I like how you used several different metaphors, instead of just one, to illustrate your point.
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Hannah Burke
9/30/2014 11:34:46 pm
When I tell a story, I want my words to taste like homemade lemonade. I want them to taste like my own. The reader should be able to taste my words, and be able to tell them apart from anyone else’s. After all, everyone follows different recipes when making lemonade. Some of my words will be sweet. When you swallow the word, it is swished down your throat. The delectable sugary taste should still linger in the reader’s mouth after the drink is digested. I want my words to make some kind of impact on the reader. On some occasions, maybe my words will be sour, or gross, but that is okay. What would the English language be like if there were no gross words? How would you be able to describe that soury taste sometimes found in lemonade? Some words may be so utterly disturbing that you may have to spit them out before you are able to wash them down. Lemonade can not always be sweet, because it is simply made of lemons. Have you ever heard the expression when life hands you lemons do not use them to make lemonade, because you don’t want your drink to be sour? I’m going to take my best guess and say probably not. On one hand, my words will have great beauty and elegance, but on the other hand they may be a bit vile. No matter what, I want my words to be a perfect description of something, good or bad. I want them to help the reader understand my paper. When my words taste just right, it gives you an exceptional feeling of satisfaction, and really makes the reader’s mind wonder. The reader is suddenly adrift, pondering about the words previously put into his or her mouth. This is how I want the reader to feel after he or she reads my writing. Each and every sentence may be dreadful, but the aftertaste may just be succulent. In other words, no matter if the meaning is gross or not, the reader should feel as if the words I use are empowering. When you drink lemonade, you are immediately hit by this sour taste, but you never know if the taste will change. Eventually, when you get to the bottom of the glass, you may be surprised at the taste of the sugary delicious taste that lurks at the bottom of the glass.
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Grace Scott
9/30/2014 11:36:43 pm
Really liked the metaphor.
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Siddhi Deshpande
9/30/2014 11:43:23 pm
You had very good word choice.
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Sophie Barreto
9/30/2014 11:44:01 pm
Really creative metaphor. I love the language used to describe it as well.
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Jonathan Inman
9/30/2014 11:35:58 pm
What I want my words to do...
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Cole Campbell
9/30/2014 11:40:45 pm
Great word choice! There were a lot of really simple but powerful words. I also really liked the metaphor. Great job!!
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Sophie Barreto
9/30/2014 11:41:52 pm
I like how you used humor throughout. The ending and beginning sentences were also very powerful and memorable.
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Emily Adams
9/30/2014 11:36:17 pm
What I Want My Words to Do
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Siddhi Deshpande
9/30/2014 11:41:01 pm
You had very good word choice and it really helped add flavor to your piece.
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Audrey
9/30/2014 11:41:58 pm
I love how you compared words to the ocean, that's a really good metaphor
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Cole Campbell
9/30/2014 11:43:49 pm
Great job!! I really liked the metaphor, and I thought the sort of turbulence in the piece really added to it. There was a lot of great structure and word choice.
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Quentin Viera
10/1/2014 11:45:53 am
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Colin Cianciolo
10/2/2014 01:24:08 am
I love the second sentence, "...a place in the back of your mind just out of reach."
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Colin Cianciolo
10/1/2014 12:03:10 pm
Comment deleted
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Colin
10/1/2014 08:52:20 pm
is* for first line not are
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Colin
10/2/2014 01:16:40 am
Scratch first line and make it "I want my words to be a sailboat that is taking you on a journey."
Andrew Blessing
10/1/2014 12:27:17 pm
I want my words to influence you like a child’s favorite superhero. All those remarkable and marvelous deeds that superheros accomplish in the world of TV and movies that prompt you to plan your own acts of heroism and pursue amazing feats in your own life. I want my words to move you as the reader and be exposed to new concepts and suggestions. I want you to be revealed to my hidden world like the undercover society of greek demigods in the Percy Jackson novels. That side of me that has never been expressed to anyone in person yet can be exposed to friends and strangers alike with the power of literature. I want to persuade you onto my side like a mouse slowly being lured into the mousetrap for the beloved cheese. As the mouse makes up its mind to make a swift dash for the cheese, I proceed directly to the point as to why my view of the argument is superior to others. Most importantly, I want you to embrace my writing. My words connect to numerous people when I am elaborating on former occurrences, as many people have gone through identical phenomenons. I want my words to reveal who I am as a person and why my views and thoughts are significant.
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Quentin Viera
10/2/2014 01:34:33 am
The metaphors are very cool and creative, but I think you could elaborate on them a little more.
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Colin Cianciyolo
10/2/2014 01:34:41 am
I loved the first metaphor to superheros and the way you wanted it to make people plan their own acts of heroism.
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10/2/2014 01:17:28 am
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Quentin Viera
10/2/2014 01:37:54 am
Very good word choice and metaphor. I can't think of any criticism other than possibly making the last sentence not so long, maybe by putting it into two different sentence.
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Andrew Blessing
10/2/2014 01:38:15 am
Love the opening and concluding statement. Phenomenal use of vocab. Maybe use "Overall" or "Finally" instead of "And lastly" when that sentence comes up.
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Colin Cianciyolo
10/2/2014 01:39:55 am
I liked the first metaphor and the way you described the maze then related it back to your writing. Also I liked the way you ended it and tied it all up. I thought overall it was well done.
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Brooke Morganti
10/2/2014 01:18:22 am
Brooke Morganti
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Emeline Muoio
10/2/2014 01:32:28 am
I love your comparison to fireworks. Your words allowed me to visualize that fireworks which was really really amazing.
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Gwen Pearson
10/2/2014 01:39:01 am
Your metaphor was really awesome. You used many descriptive words and it was creative and original to reference to fireworks. Great job
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Andrew Blessing
10/2/2014 01:41:47 am
Instead of saying "show my reader fireworks" maybe you could replace "show" with "reveal". Great use of vocab. "Deteriorate" and "Crescendo" were words that caught my eye and all the details made me want to keep reading.
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Quentin Viera
10/2/2014 01:42:24 am
I really like the powerful language used. I also liked how you built up your purpose as a writer throughout the piece. Great job
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Rachelle Mirandou
10/2/2014 01:19:51 am
I want my words to make your breath catch and your heart race like falling in love. I want them to draw all your attention so that you can’t think of anything else but the smooth flow of my words. I want you to hold onto my word as if you are afraid they will fly away. Let my words linger in your mind when you look away and smile at the thought of their beauty and artistry. Like reading my words for the first time is love at first sight. I want you to experience the joy, that even a few lines could make your day. But, also to feel the sadness and frustration when something goes wrong or unplanned in the story. Let my words sow your heart back together when you find out everything is alright. Hold the hand of the people I write about let them guide you to see the world in a brighter view, like how love blinds you from seeing the bad. Let my words enchant you into believing you were never reading, that you get so lost in the world of my writing that you forget you aren’t truly there. I want you to hear my words instead of read them, like someone whispering those three short words for the first time. I want my words to enable you to feel the emotions instead of imaging them. I want my words to make you fall in love with the characters or feel some kind of connection rather than them being just some words on paper. I want my words to coercion you to cry and laugh at ink and paper where my words will forever linger. Like in Snow White or The Little Mermaid, I want my words to be like true loves first kiss and wake you up, give you your voice, or to give you anything your heart desires. I want my words to be the key to a locked heart that someone may need just so they can finally see the light of day. I want my words to be the moon, to have them be lassoed and pulled down to be the proof there is love. I want my words to send you in a panic once you see you have almost come to the end and when all words have finally vanished off the rest of the page, I want you to walk away and think “What now?”
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Leah Huling
10/2/2014 01:27:19 am
I really like your metaphor and how you used examples like The Little Mermaid and Snow white to explain them
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Brooke Morganti
10/2/2014 01:31:56 am
I like the transitions between real-life love and the love of two characters to the love between the reader and the book. However, some commas and apostrophes are missing.
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Emeline Muoio
10/2/2014 01:34:25 am
Your paragraph was really smooth and was easy to read and understand. I liked all of the similes and metaphors, they really enhanced the piece.
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RJ Bissonette
10/2/2014 01:21:00 am
I want my words to excite and ache in your brain. I want my words to feel like a morning run. As you walk outside, and experience the swift shift from your cozy, comfortable feeling, let my words be the refreshing cold morning breeze. As you get used to the temperature, my words will give you the chills and the cold feeling you get in the tips of your fingers. As you prepare yourself and start the long descent, my words will entertain you through the journey and let the grueling process be full of life. As you get to the midway point, your heart is racing in a rhythmic pattern, my words shall do the same, as it will keep you excited about what comes next. At the end of your run, you push yourself as the finish is very close, and you are ready to triumph. You can anticipate the finish, but you do not know what it holds. When you finish, you slowly start to feel the aches and pains fill up in the muscles in your body. Maybe you did not like the experience, maybe you did, but either way you finished the story, and that you didn’t give up. The aches and pains can vouch for your effort, and the knowledge you took away from it. Shortly there after, you are eager for more, because the feeling of success after is amazing.
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Brooke Morganti
10/2/2014 01:33:40 am
I like your word choice! The first few sentences are a bit choppy, though.
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Rachelle
10/2/2014 01:33:57 am
Very descriptive, I feel like I'm actually running! Just the end when you "finish the run" I think it would be good if you added a little more about writing
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Emeline Muoio
10/2/2014 01:36:35 am
Your cohesion was very good, and the word choice was strong. That paragraph was great, and I enjoyed reading it. :)
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Lindsay Euston
10/2/2014 01:21:45 am
I want my writing to transform you into an animal, a slave to your instinctual need for the food that is my vocabulary. I want you to not read, but live, eat, sleep, and breath my story, and, upon finishing, to feel as though you have been through the plotline, experiencing everything for yourself and not as a third party observer. Like a tiger preparing to pounce, I want my words to attack your most basic thoughts and emotions, to invoke in you the emotions that overcome my heart and soul as I write. My goal is to touch the basic part of your mind that makes us all human, to make you relate to my words, even if you have never experienced the event being spoken of. I want you to finish reading my work and be left sorely disappointed that the adventure has come to an end. My words should take you on a journey through the most simplistic, most human parts of your mind, the parts that cause you to be overcome with laughter and sadness through the course of the adventure that will leave you begging for more. Like a hungry animal, you should, after a taste of my words, be left starving for the banquet of my script. Finally, when you reach the final line of the first of my works, you should need, the way an animal needs water, to track down more and more of my writing. The first you read should be almost addictive to your brain, and leave you powerless to avoid the call of another piece. I want to make you love each new piece more than the last, craving the next even as you are reading the first. My writing should make you think, make you ponder the world around you. My writing should manufacture for you a new outlook on the world, forever changing the way you glean information from life. My writing should educate you, mutating you from a wild animal to an intelligent human being. You should be left more capable and more adept than ever before. In this way, my writing should not only exhilarate and excite you through joy and sorrow, it should leave you changed for the better.
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Brooke Morganti
10/2/2014 01:35:06 am
I love the comparison to being an animal! There are a few minor spelling errors, but your word choice is fantastic!
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Rachelle Mirandou
10/2/2014 01:36:25 am
I really like the transformation into an animal analogy! I think you said a lot of "my" which isn't that bad and I know it is difficult to turn away from that (I did that in my writing too).
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RJ Bissonette
10/2/2014 01:41:07 am
I was confused at the beginning of what metaphor you were using, but it was clear the rest of the way. Your vocab is very high, and you use it well, but sometimes it seems that you are just trying to stick big words in to make it sound of a higher level. But all and all, it was great.
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Leah Huling
10/2/2014 01:22:06 am
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Rachelle Mirandou
10/2/2014 01:27:27 am
... I desire more, Leah
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Rachelle Mirandou
10/2/2014 01:39:55 am
I like your metaphors and similes especially "As you read them, I want them to stick with you wherever you go like gum on the bottom of your shoe." I think it would be cool to stick to one theme, but it's very well written, Leah!
Lindsay Euston
10/2/2014 01:31:27 am
You were really descriptive and used complex language. The only criticism I can think of is that I really like the metaphor you started out with about music, and I think you should have carried that through the rest of the writing. Great job!
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RJ Bissonette
10/2/2014 01:40:58 am
There was not a constant metaphor, but the way you bounced around from metaphor to metaphor worked pretty well. Also, try to not use "I" so much. Besides that, it was a very good piece.
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Gwen Pearson
10/2/2014 01:22:19 am
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Leah Huling
10/2/2014 01:33:47 am
I like how you want your words to be a balance of dark and light. I thought it was creative how you said you wanted your words to be joy and haunting.You used very descriptive words that intrigued me.
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Lindsay Euston
10/2/2014 01:34:55 am
I really liked you word choice and how you described everything by comparing it to something else. Great Job :)
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RJ Bissonette
10/2/2014 01:40:48 am
I love the way you used fear and darkness as a tool, but made it so it was uplifting. Also, the contrast at the end between bad and good was awesome. Th vocab was of a very high caliber. This is an excellent piece.
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Katie Healy
10/2/2014 01:22:29 am
When I write, I want my words to be the flame that sets your brain ablaze with creating connections and enriching ideas. I want them to burn their way into your subconscious, first and foremost the best and brightest, the only thing in the fragile world of the mind worth focusing on. I want them to be the fire that spreads through every part of you, uncontrollable and all-consuming until there is nothing left but their sheer power and deft grace. I want my words to burn fast and bright and then lethargic and calm and then fast and bright again, enrapturing you in the smooth beauty and flow that embodies them. I want them to spark within you the most base connections, ignite inside you a passion, a warmth, that starts in your toes and makes its way up and out through the top of your head. And when they are gone, the fire extinguished, I want you to crave them, crave them like you crave the warmth and comfort of a fire on a freezing night. I want my words to be that comfort, that coziness you return to and is there for you when nothing else is. But my words should also burn, a roaring sensation up both your arms and to the back of your neck, tingling with the rawness and the truth of which they speak. They should overwhelm you with their emotion, smother you with their frankness, until everything is gone. Everything but the reminder of how the heat felt on your tongue.
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Leah Huling
10/2/2014 01:37:00 am
Your words were really captivating and made me want to read more. I like how you switched between wanting your words to be uncontrollable and all consuming to comforting and cozy.
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Lindsay Euston
10/2/2014 01:38:00 am
I really liked your metaphor and how you explained it. The words you used made it seem really powerful.
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Abigale Reynolds
10/2/2014 01:22:56 am
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Katie Healy
10/2/2014 01:30:54 am
I really like the painting metaphor and the fantastic figurative and descriptive language in it! During that part you convey so much emotion through your words it's really awesome! Maybe the top part could tie in a bit more instead of being on it's own? Great job!
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Leah Huling
10/2/2014 01:41:49 am
I really liked the metaphor in your writing. I think you should combined the top part of your writing with the rest of your words because I thought that was really creative. Overall really good!
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Priya Sarma
10/2/2014 01:23:14 am
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Abby Reynolds
10/2/2014 01:31:00 am
I really like the way you used a lot of different metaphors, and then you strung them all together without sounding choppy or jumpy. I thought that was super creative!
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Gwen Pearson
10/2/2014 01:33:34 am
I really liked the metaphor- dark at sometimes, but it really grasped you. The way you hinted towards insanity in some parts was really gripping.
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Katie Healy
10/2/2014 01:34:18 am
I really loved the part about the bones snapping with excitement! I related to that well, because sometimes when I am excited about something, at least, i feel like that so it's amazing that you got that into words! Awesome job!
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Andre Boisvert
10/2/2014 01:23:27 am
I want my words to smash into your brain like a tidal wave. I want them to be so vivid, and realistic in your mind that you cringe and feel the need to hide. I want you to feel like you are connected with my words, as if you are in my brain, and a part of my words. I want you to be engaged in them, trapped with them, never able to separate from them forever. To always be thinking about different passages, always uncovering new meanings of them. As my words become more meaningful in deep, I want you to fall into a trance, and cry when there is no more. As my work becomes even more vivid and intense, I want you to become excited, and shake like you have inhaled five full rockstar energy drinks. I want your mind to consume my words and endlessly chew on them like they are piece of undercooked steak. And when you swallow, I want the taste to linger and your mouth and I want you to taste them all the way down. I want my words to hit you like small, but very powerful bullets. I want my words to impact you like you have never felt before.
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priya
10/2/2014 01:31:18 am
I like your opening and closing sentences. I likes the metaphor about the 5 energy drinks. I felt as if there were a lot of details that didn't all need to be there. The flow of words was really good
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10/2/2014 01:33:41 am
I like that you used powerful metaphors, that are not cookie cutter metaphors. The metaphors were also good because you showed them to the reader instead of just telling!
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Katie Healy
10/2/2014 01:38:31 am
I love the tidal wave metaphor because it really conveys that power that you want behind it. Same with the bullet metaphor thing, as that definitely shows the meaning behind, but maybe you could like interrelate them to show that they are almost connected and increase the powerfulness behind them. Great job!
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Jason Mirandou
10/2/2014 01:23:44 am
Words. Who would have thought that a compilation of 26 different letters could revise the world. I do not want my words to revise the world, I want them to give you something to ponder. I desire my words to get lost in your head like a child at an amusement park. I want you to go on a journey around the park. At first you will be stunned, you will not know what to think. This area of writing is unknown to you. You will look around for the meaning of the words and get lost. Soon enough you become exhausted of searching for the meaning of the words and let them roam inside your head. You will just go with it and let your mind go wild. As you let the roam, you keep walking. You soon stumble upon a roller coaster. You hop on and the cart bolts off. Uncertain at first, not knowing of the following words will be worth reading. You decide to go for it, the cart speeds down the first drop. You get a rush, you want more. Unfortunately the ride is over. You hop off the cart and get back on. You want to read the page over and over again. You finally discover the meaning. I want you to have fun when you read. As you are about to leap back onto the cart. Your parents discover you. The words are over, you grew sick of them. However, every once in while you think back to the roller coaster and the fun you had. I want this memory to last forever. I want to lesson I taught to you to stay stuck up in your mind like a cobweb. I want my words to make you think for a very, very long time.
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Andre
10/2/2014 01:32:34 am
I like it a lot especially the roller coaster ides and wanting more after the first drop, and about how the 26 letter changed the world. The only thing was that maybe you could use a few more power verbs
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10/2/2014 01:35:15 am
I really liked your opening. The sentences introduced your topic well, and it makes the reader want to read more!
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Priya
10/2/2014 01:38:13 am
I liked your use of sentence fragments. It gave the reader a feel as though you were actually talking to them. Maybe you could use a few more adjectives
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Olivia Hanley
10/2/2014 01:23:52 am
I want my words to make you feel satisfactory, yet you yearn for more, like taking the first bite of your favorite dessert. I want their sugary goodness to overpower your taste buds making them go into overdrive. I want you to forget your surroundings and get lost in the monstrous piece of chocolate cake sitting in front of you. I want my words to be finger licking good. The plate is set down in front of you. Your eyes grow wider as your anticipation level rises. You pick up your fork and dig into a piece of decadent, rich cheesecake. Its silkiness and deepness of flavors come together harmoniously when it glides over the surface of your tongue. Yet, its crunchy graham cracker crust adds texture and an element of surprise to this particular dessert. Maybe you don’t like cheesecake. Instead, you have a healthy portion of key lime pie. Sweet, yet tangy. Smooth, yet crunchy. The sour lime causes your lips to pucker and exaggerates the wrinkles on your forehead. You’re becoming full, but it is too good to stop now. I want my words to speak what’s on your mind. I want you to be able to relate to my work. I want my words to help you rediscover an old favorite dessert, or cause you to fall in love with new and exotic flavors. They need to make you feel something you have never felt before. I want them to bring out all the sides of you. But, most importantly, when you’re done with that first piece of dessert, and its taste is still lingering on your tongue, I want my words to make you beg for seconds.
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Jason
10/2/2014 01:32:44 am
Great word choice! Everything flowed very nice and the conclusion was great.
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Priya
10/2/2014 01:36:18 am
I loved you reopening sentence, I was immediately interested. Your adjectives painted a picture in my head. The only criticism I would give is to stay focused on the plot. IN the middle, it got more about describing the cake and your emotions. I would tie it back to the plot more often.
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Andre Boisvert
10/2/2014 01:37:00 am
I like it alot especially about the different types and bringing back old memories or creating something new and you used really good word choice.
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Michael Sack
10/2/2014 01:24:41 am
Michael Sack
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Olivia Hanley
10/2/2014 01:36:00 am
I really like how you used one metaphor throughout this piece. It really helped to string everything together and get your point across.
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Jason
10/2/2014 01:37:39 am
The elaboration on your points were great! At first it was a little creepy but when you wrapped it all up it made sense. I really enjoyed your final line, it left me wanting more.
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Andre Boisvert
10/2/2014 01:40:57 am
I like how you stayed with the theme of being kidnapped the whole time and you had very powerful word choice
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Josh Fazio
10/2/2014 01:24:50 am
Josh Fazio
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michael sack
10/2/2014 01:28:55 am
your metaphor is very engrossing because many people can relate to it.
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Olivia Hanley
10/2/2014 01:38:49 am
I like how this metaphor is personal to you. It allowed you to really connect to this piece. Your word choice helps everything to come together and enhances your piece very well.
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Jason
10/2/2014 01:43:14 am
Your power verbs were fantastic! I liked how you made reading the words seem like it would exhaust you but in the end it would be worth it.
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Axel Lindquist
10/2/2014 01:25:01 am
Axel Lindquist
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Josh Fazio
10/2/2014 01:29:48 am
Really good word choice. Such things as "mundane", "cesspool" and "beseech" were the best in my opinion. A little dark by the end, but overall really interesting
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michael sack
10/2/2014 01:30:04 am
Your vocabulary actually pulls me in like you described your words would do. I like the metaphor, but think you could elaborate more.
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Olivia Hanley
10/2/2014 01:42:37 am
Your word choice really brings this to another level. Great job on that. My only criticism would be to expand on some of the things you. For example, why will your words hypnotize us?
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Emma Fleming
10/2/2014 01:25:35 am
Like the waves on an ocean floor with an oncoming storm, my words should crash against your heart with such force that they nearly knock you off their feet. These very waves of words will mix up in your mind like the sand and sea floor as the tide is drawn in and out. They should confuse you, yet make everything clear at the same time. The storm of words jumble up the ocean that is your mind and make your head spiral like a vortex pulling in everything in its path, leaving nothing behind. Tag. Once the vicious pull of the vortex dies down and leaves you stranded in the ocean, alone and confused, my words should be like a raft, pulling you to safety. They should save you from the mess they made out of your mind. They should be your savior as well as your sorrow. They should bring you safely back to shore. My words should engrave into your mind like the imprint left by a foot in the sandy shores of this very ocean. They should leave their marks in your heart and remain there until they are extruded out by another abundance of my words, being chased away by none other than more. My words should be like a child slowly being summoned by the deeper waters as they play in the very ocean, only to be seized by the riptide. For, they should draw you in until you reach the point where you can’t escape, no matter how hard you try. As the child is struggling to get out of the riptide’s pull, they are hauled under, struggling for air. The water will leave the child just like I want my words to leave the reader. Breathless.
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Emma Fleming
10/2/2014 01:27:58 am
Ignore the "tag." Thanks Josh...
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Josh Fazio
10/2/2014 01:32:07 am
Not only your word choice, but how you connected everything and pulled it together at the end was amazing. The flow of this piece was also really good.
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Axel Luther King Jr.
10/2/2014 01:35:00 am
Very Deep.
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Axel Luther King Jr.
10/2/2014 01:36:10 am
Like the ocean
Ally Wilson
10/2/2014 01:25:45 am
I want my words to get stuck in your teeth like popcorn kernels. Nagging and destroying you as you attempt to get them unstuck. I want my words to be sweet and buttery but harsh and tormenting. I want you to crave my words and have a need for them like during a movie. A desire to remove the kernels from your teeth and never giving up until you finish the task. Like the thoughts in your mind that will be uncontrollable. I want my words to have a meaning and create a never ending cycle of thoughts in one’s mind, like the thought of removal a kernel from your teeth. I want you to despise or obsess over the words I have written. I want you to be able to pummel yourself with ideas and make you regurgitate your thoughts onto paper. I want my words to dance in your mind for hours on end nagging at every part of your brain. Never ending thoughts will later dance on paper because of the words I have written. My words will be tasteful yet questionable as you try to distinguish how you are going to wrap your head around my words. The words I put on paper will be stuck to you and will require effort to think and remove my words from your mind. My words will be sweet and savory while still being sticky and annoying to your mind.
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Stephan Toljan
10/2/2014 01:30:28 am
I really related to your analogy, but I found that you used "I want" a lot.
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Axel Luther King Jr.
10/2/2014 01:31:47 am
If these words are like popcorn kernels stuck in your teeth, I would suggest dental floss. It was great
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Emma Fleming
10/2/2014 01:32:15 am
I really like the metaphor, it's original and simple but you made it make a lot of sense for the topic with really deep detail. I saw a few grammar mistakes such as "thought of removal a kernal" but other than little mistakes like that, it was really good.
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Josh Fazio
10/2/2014 01:33:28 am
This was really good. Your metaphor with popcorn really hit home, seeing as it's one of the most annoying things
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Gwen Pearson
10/2/2014 01:35:47 am
Really nice metaphor! It is really easy to relate to and how you referenced it to words getting stuck in your mind was really clever.
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Jeffrey Yu
10/2/2014 01:26:01 am
I want my words to make you addicted to my writing as if they were a video game. I want my words to send you inside a dark and twisting maze made up of words that will keep you in its dark bowels until you illuminate every sentence and discover every hidden meaning. At first, you will be confused and wary of your surroundings. You will be nervous about what the next sentence is going to be about. However, you will discover that my jumbled mess of words mean no harm. Instead of finding a monster ready to kill, you will find a wise old hermit ready to teach. I want my words to give you tiny morsels of advice and knowledge that you will keep forever and use in the future. As you progress through my maze, I want my words to be familiar to you. I want my words to attract you like a flower attracting bees. I want you to lose yourself in my maze so you can rid yourself of your worldly troubles and worries. I want you to turn past corner after corner, and read sentence after sentence. I want my words to be a comfortable and familiar place. However, your time spent in my maze will not be wasted time. Once you have finished the maze, you will look back at all the morsels you collected, and you will find a great feast of knowledge. I want my words to have you addicted, but I also want them to teach you some important things that you will use in the future.
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Axel Luther King Jr.
10/2/2014 01:30:17 am
very interesting metaphor connecting words to a maze, leading to something good instead of bad. Its uniqueness fills me with unimaginable joy :')
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Ally Wilson
10/2/2014 01:30:45 am
I really like your metaphor it overall makes sense and you have a clear explanation on how it relates to words.
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Emma Fleming
10/2/2014 01:35:21 am
Overall, it was really good. Your metaphor was very unique and it made a lot of sense. I noticed you said "my words" a lot but other than that, I really liked it.
Axel Luther King Jr.
10/2/2014 01:44:07 am
Hey Emma BTW very unique is a grammatical error because one cannot be ¨very"one of a kind. Its English class, get it right.
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Brianna Rowey
10/2/2014 01:26:26 am
What I Want My Words To Do
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Gwen Pearson
10/2/2014 01:30:54 am
I really liked how you referenced your words to a footprint in thick, muddy sand. Really descriptive and interesting.
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Jeffrey Yu
10/2/2014 01:32:51 am
I like how you used the metaphor of ¨slapping¨ the reader with the truth and ¨branding¨ the words into the readers mind.
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Ally Wilson
10/2/2014 01:33:05 am
I really like the words you used for example, penetrate, pester, twist and churn. Also I really like your last line!
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Emma Fleming
10/2/2014 01:38:32 am
I really liked how you didn't just stick to one direct metaphor the whole time.You changed it up and used a few different ones but still made it flow nicely. You had great vocabulary too!
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Stephan Toljan
10/2/2014 01:27:13 am
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Julia Kausel
10/2/2014 01:34:03 am
you have really good structure and a really strong voice in your writting
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Brianna Rowey
10/2/2014 01:34:08 am
I like your metaphor to music. Maybe edit your conclusion and show vs tell. Tell how they make you feel instead of adding dialogue.
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Ally Wilson
10/2/2014 01:34:18 am
I really like your metaphor it makes sense. I also like how you used the Macklemore example!
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Jeffrey Yu
10/2/2014 01:38:55 am
I like how you used a quote from Macklemore. I also like how you included the names of some famous musicians. That shows that you have extensive knowledge on music. The metaphor of your words being music really suits you.
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Emeline Muoio
10/2/2014 01:41:51 am
*applause*
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Julia Kausel
10/2/2014 01:28:43 am
Julia Kausel
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Stephan Toljan
10/2/2014 01:34:03 am
Very good overall, but I found that you switched around what your analogy was a lot. Next time try to stick with the same analogy throughout the whole thing.
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Brianna Rowey
10/2/2014 01:37:54 am
"floating in the middle of the water that encloses you, and I want you to be in awe, gazing at the colorful fish that wander by you slowly and peacefully as if you weren't even there."
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Jeffrey Yu
10/2/2014 01:43:58 am
I liked how you used the metaphor by switching settings. I like how you take the reader on a journey through the land, air and, sea. It is a very original metaphor.
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Colin Cianciolo
10/2/2014 01:29:03 am
Colin Cianciolo
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Stephan Toljan
10/2/2014 01:39:24 am
The analogy you used was very creative and gave me the need to keep reading, but shortly after you reached the climax of your work you said, "... as your body is brimming with happy emotions." For me, this was a complete let down because you had me on the ropes and then you go and use "happy." My suggestion would be to use a substitution for happy next time, to insure that your writing maintains flow.
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Brianna Rowey
10/2/2014 01:40:23 am
I really like your metaphor to a boat ride and the ocean. Try to show the reader how they are feeling instead of telling them how they are supposed to react. Great job!!
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Axel Luther King Jr.
10/2/2014 01:42:08 am
I felt that the context itself was creative and also relatable because many people enjoy sailing(except Jeffrey)
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Michael sack
10/2/2014 01:31:37 am
Your essay is very captivating, as when you write it, I feel the pounding waves of the ocean on my chest. Your use of symbolism allows you to adapt upon your analogy and you description. Overall, very good job!
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Kathleen Palmer
10/3/2014 01:36:47 am
When you read something that I have written, I want you to be addicted. I do not want you to necessarily want to read everything in one sitting, because I want you to have to read it in one sitting. I want you to be obsessed with what I am saying, to be controlled by it, so that when you try to break away you cannot, all you can think of is my words so that it eats away at you and destroys your life until you finish. And when you finish I want you to be destroyed by that, too. I want you to be left helpless, sitting there completely destroyed by the ordeal you have just undergone. I want my words to flood you, to soak every fiber of your being and leave you smitten. I want to attack your senses to reach your soul. I do not want you to necessarily remember every word I have said, because I want you to have the need to reread everything that I have said, just to feed your soul. In my writing I want you not to read something, but to experience something. I want my words to be three dimensional, so that when I write about something I breathe life into it. I want to give relevant meaning to ideas, to give life and berth to characters. I want people to go to the places I write about, to care about the issues at hand, to feel the joy in my writing, to cry when a character's heart breaks because I want to break the readers hearts too. I want my writing to be that book on my readers shelves that they absolutely hate because it changes them and throws them on an emotional roller-coaster that they cannot escape from. But then, when no one is around, they always go to it because they just cannot help it. They are addicted to it.
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Sean Hanley
10/8/2014 06:35:19 am
What I Want My Words To Do You
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9/27/2021 12:49:31 am
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